The U.F.F.A.L.O Handbook (2012 Edition)
Printed in Boise
White Leather Bound in Montana
Hello Dear Finder/ Mission Statement… Page 1
History of U.F.F.A.L.O… Page 2
History of U.F.F.A.L.O Continued… Page 3
Collection Units… Page 4
Collection Unit List… Page 5
Proper Procedure to Move a Non-Moving Unit… Page 6
What to do with Lost People (Revised 1967)… Page 7
On Location U.F.F.A.L.O Jobs… Page 8
Rules and Regulations… Page 9
Further Inquiries/ Hand Written Revisions… Page 10
Hello Dear Finder,
Welcome to the wonderful world of the lost, well we haven’t lost the world itself. Not that we know of. If we have please kindly return it to its proper location, which in our case would be the fourth planet from the sun, in the Milky Way Galaxy.
Taking into account that we have not lost the world we would like to return to welcoming you as a Finder. You have made your way into our Underground Finders of Forgotten and Agreeably Lost Objects, otherwise known as, U.F.F.A.L.O. The current worldwide organization was formed somewhat in reverse. There were other Finders before us and we are sure there will be Finders after us but while it is our time to be finding things, we would like to make sure you, as a finder to read this handbook and due your duty to fulfill what it means to be a Finder with U.F.F.A.L.O.
We as Finders find the lost. We as Finders remember the forgotten. We as Finders unite out of sight underground to help everyday people in being reunited with their items. We are thankless, we are persistent, and we are U.F.F.U.L.O.
So before we go into some of the things you will run into in today’s U.F.F.A.L.O we would like to give you a brief history lesson on how U.F.F.A.L.O all started.
1838- The Underground Railroad, Frederick August Washington Bailey met Bell Winkston. Douglass and Winkston traveled from Baltimore to New York City. The two became close friends and took the names we know them as today, Frederick Douglass and Bell Cora.
1838– Cora stayed in New York City while Douglass went on to Massachusetts. The two continued to communicate via letter.
1841– The two met up at an Anti-Slavery Society, Bell started to tell Fredrick of the bookcase in her room and how lost things tended to show up there. She did her best to return the things but kept getting in trouble for people thinking she stole them in the first place.
1847– Douglass moved to Rochester leaving Cora behind again.
Civil War– The two did not communicate what so ever. Cora got herself in too much trouble for Douglass to risk his reputation.
1870– Cora and Douglass reunited. She became a changed woman. She told Douglass she was not alone. Two other men found lost things like she did. One was a white man whose desk was always filled with lost things. His name was Walter Dolton the Third. The other man was never mentioned by name, he knew of a door where all the lost people show up.
1871– Douglass, Cora, Dalton and the unnamed man moved the door after they found a few more fellows. They called themselves the Finders. Douglass kept the door close to him in hopes one of his family members would show up at it.
1880– The first U.F.F.A.L.O office was opened. Close to the Washington Monument, Washington D.C.
1894– Bell Cora went missing after and was never seen or heard from again. After this Douglass gave the door over to D.C.U.F.F.A.L.O saying “If she is going to kick anyone’s door in it will be Tall White’s.” This was the first time the code name for the office was used.
1895– Douglass died at home at the age of 77.
That is how it all started. With a few runaways. How wonderfully things can grow out of such troubled times. We are glad to say that today we still stand as people who are willing to be seen as causing a bit of trouble in order to do what is right. Once again, welcome and in the words of Douglass himself.
“People might not get all they work for in this world, but they most certainly work for all they get.”
So let’s get to work.
Types of Collection Unit (So far)
Moving Units vs Non-Moving Units
Moving Unit- a collection unit that quite simply is easy to travel around with or in. It does not have to stay still while it is collecting lost things.
Non-Moving Unit– a collection unit that tends to be set in place. These units can come with their own difficulties for sure but are also easier to find than moving units.
Clothing Unit– These units change a bit more frequently and we as finders do our best to keep these units that are active close, putting them in a closet unit or dresser unit that also collects is unacceptable and has led to spontaneous combustion.
Remember Finders that just because a unit is collecting now does not mean it will always be collecting. We try to keep units in storage that others might attempt to destroy once they are “no longer useful” because they still collect.
If you do not find your collection unit listed below please inform your librarian. They will have an updated list of all the various types of collection units.
Envelope Box (Mail Box)
Proper Procedure to Move a Non-Moving Unit
As we all know our wonderful organization started off with a door unit watched over by one our Founding Finders Mr. Frederick Douglas. We also know some of the wonderful things he achieved would not have been possible without being a Finder. He was one of the first people in recorded history to be able to move a Non-Moving Unit. At the time the world of finding was mostly a passive one, after he founded the first U.F.F.A.L.O in Washington D.C. he taught his fellow finders how to properly move a Non-Moving Unit.
Step One- Ask the current Finder if it is alright to move their collection unit. (Attempting to move a unit without the Finders approval has resulted in the unit no longer being a unit what so ever.)
Step Two- Have a full set plan to move the full unit. For instance it will be simpler to move an Envelope Box that is simply screwed to the cement on the corner of the street than it may be to move an entire attic from a house.
Step Three- Have a place to move your non-moving unit. This is an important step. An unfortunate Finder moved his unit during an earthquake and lost it for four months. We highly suggest personal safety over safety of units. A lost life is something we cannot find in any of our units.
Step Four- Fully remove every part of the collection unit. Mr. Douglas for instance was a little bit lucky when he became the Finder of his door. Most of the cottage it was a part of had been burned to the ground leaving simply the door and its frame. He and two other men with the supervision of Bell Cora removed the floorboard underneath the door and carried the whole thing away with them.
Step Five- Place your now moved unit and return to returning.
What to do with Lost People (Revised 1967)
If your handbook, or the handbook of another Finder that you know is bound in black leather and has the unrevised version of what to do with lost people please inform your local U.F.F.A.L.O’s Front Desk Person so that they can have the most up to date version of the handbook.
So you found a lost person. While we are happy understanding you want to help, we highly suggest contacting your local U.F.F.A.L.O’s Lost Persons Person. If that is not possible here is what to do.
Step One- Ask the person if they are alright. Ask them their name, where they think they are, and what they think they were doing last.
Step Two- Ascertain if the lost person is scared, angry or any other potentially hostile attitude. If they are having the person sit or lay down may help the situation. If that does not work you as a Finder must subdue them.
Step Three- They are subdued. Hopefully you found a way to do this as peacefully and with as little harm as possible. Now bring them on in to your local U.F.F.A.L.O office. Hand them over to your Lost Persons Person. Grab that Finder a cup of coffee and see yourself out of the situation.
(If you have failed to subdue the lost person and hey have subsequently escaped please report to your Lost Persons Person as soon as possible. You will be brought to Tall White for further questioning.)
On Location U.F.F.A.L.O Jobs
Front Desk Person- If you are holding this book you have met this fantastic person already. They greeted you when you brought in your business card, they made sure you were fit to make it farther than the waiting room.
Mail Person- Collect, hand write, send and deal with conveniently lost communications not only to and from your local U.F.F.A.L.O but to the local finders that are connected to your U.F.F.A.L.O and to D.C.U.F.F.A.L.O.
Driver- When a Finder is in need of U.F.F.A.L.O related work and without a way of getting around the Driver will be contacted in order to help get the job done. This person must be well trained in dealing with lost people both hostile and non-hostile. TheDriver also is well trained on dealing with larger found items and moving non-moving units.
Librarian- Keeps records of Finders and their journals. You should have met him or her by now as well but if you have not that is quite alright as long as you do so as soon as possible. This person be sending you on all of your missions. They know what you do outside of the Finders, make sure to tell them of any hobbies, or special skills you possess. Please do inform them if you have any allergies or they should take careful notes not to send a person with a fear of heights to a high place.
Collection Unit Tester- Started in 2012 by Rochester’s Finder Dejesus, he found his local Finder’s by losing everything in his possession in a matter of twenty four hours. This was considered a skill right there on the spot when most of his things then appeared within the R.U.F.F.U.L.O office’s moving units. This finder is set to losing things in order to not only find more in Finders but to test the units of Finders that are in connection with U.F.F.A.L.O in order to make sure they are still working.
Lost Persons Person- Let us hope this is the one person that never has to do their job. Sadly they have a lot of work to do so make sure to help them when you can. People get lost every day, all around the world. This job is usually reserved for our most dedicated and highly trained Finders. This Finder usually is given charge of the door unit, the chair unit or both. They are trained in helping the lost confused and sometimes angry individuals. As the new person around you should get them a cup of coffee and maybe even offer them a hug.
Finders- That is most likely you! If it is not you will be receiving another book soon about your personal on location position. We are almost positive that you are not alone. After all we are all Finders. Each U.F.F.A.L.O location most likely has from two to seven people just as Finders. It is your job to not only bring in lost items from your unit but also from more public units that may not have a set finder due to their location. We as Finders due our best to return as many items to their proper owners as possible. If the item is not worth returning we put it to its best use. Sometimes it will be your job to return lost things to public locations such as art galleries, movie theaters, beaches, laundromats, airports, theme parks, and many more. If you are not currently assigned to a specific mission do not just sit around at your desk and twiddle your thumbs, lost time is not something we can find. Go on and ask around if others need help. Organize something that is not organized, clean out the lunchroom refrigerator, there might even be some lost things in there.
Rules and Guidelines
1: What we find, we must return or use to benefit others.
2: Collection units must not be used for personal gain.
3: Complete your missions given to you by your Librarian. If you cannot complete them ask for help.
4: Remain busy, we are not lollygaggers, we are doers.
5: Lost people must be sent in to Tall White if they cannot be, or refuse to be returned.
6: Do your best not to lose yourself or your mind, they are terribly hard to find again.
For further questions or inquiries contact Finder Fynn at Mlang2896@yahoo.com or your fellow finders at your local U.F.F.U.L.O. Good luck, and get to finding!
Hand Written Revisions:
-Contact for lost thoughts is N.Y.U.F.F.U.L.O, Finder Fynn.
-Washing Machine units officially may not be used for washing laundry. This is due to an incident with stained underwear appearing in the President of the United States Office. We are sure you saw this all over the news as well as the tabloid papers. We hope you did not laugh.
-Finders will now and hence forth be known as Agents.